every time we go out to eat, I take like two bites and feel like throwing up, and I’m not one to get nauseous easily. this only started when we started dating (wed been best friends for 3 years or so up until that)
its not new food, I’ve been to these places many times before
Sounds like anxiety. Mild nausea and loss of appetite are something that I deal with on a daily basis. If you are happy then it could just be nervous excitement, like having butterflies in your stomach.
Yeah, OP didn’t say how long they’d been together but if it’s a new relationship after 3 years of being friends, especially if they’re young and/or there’s been lingering feelings for some time before becoming “official”, then anxiety and nervous excitement is likely to be high!
spot on. wed liked eachother for two years, and were young too so
If nothing else is triggering it then my advice would be to cherish the feeling while it lasts! Go on dates that don’t involve food for a while or stick to lighter food that doesn’t involve sitting in a restaurant to eat. Once things start to feel more normal between you then you can try formal meals again.
If she’s suggesting restaurants in the meantime then just be honest with her, she’ll likely find it sweet and endearing and it’ll help to calm the nerves.
maybe you’re right
thing is well usually spend a good couple hours together and need food at that point
but well see, might be best to try and avoid food for a bit
Cooking together can be a fun “date”. Do it at your place so you won’t feel so much anxiety. Or if you need food that badly after a couple hours make some popcorn and eat it while you watch a show or movie.
Go to the same restaurants at the same time under the same conditions (i.e. how recently you ate another meal, day of the week, the weather, etc.) but with a different person and see if you still feel ill. Vary the conditions until you find one that correlates with your illness. Then try altering that condition.
If you feel ill under all conditions then see a doctor. In fact it might be good to make a doctor appointment anyway.
yeah good idea honestly
But babe, we have to go out tonight. It’s for science!
“You’re not my sidechick, you’re my control condition!”
“I know you’re sick of it, but I’m gonna need you to get the chicken Parm again. Trust the process!”
Isolating variables like this is so cool!
unit testing eating?
Are you just really nervous about being on a date?
I don’t think so? but that could be a factor I suppose
Your brain has a mind of its own!
As does your gut!
Are there awkward pauses during your dinners? Do you think about things to talk about beforehand?
I guess maybe try to observe what happens just before you get sick each time.
we’ve been friends for long enough that there’s never really any awkward silence
silence, sure, but not awkward
It’s called an anxiety attack. Talk to a therapist about it.
too poor for therapy lol (I need it but womp womp)
Then journal. Dump your thoughts onto paper, consider and reconsider. Just write out what you think. It can be a text file, a paper notebook with pen, whatever. Just write a lot.
yeah that could help, I’ve just always been a “bottle it up and call it a day” kind of guy
dunno, my mental health has been improving now that I’m out of school honestly so well see
Don’t bottle it up. Decades of experience talking here. Do what you can to come to terms with your feelings, thoughts, etc. Then find a job that has good mental health care and see a therapist.
Advice: you will likely need to try out a couple before you find the right one. When you’re comfortable with someone, you’ll know.
Except for at the beginning of dinner dates.
Do you at least acknowledge it’s psychological? That unless she’s dosing your first bite with ipecac, there’s no physical reason to feel nauseous during the first couple bites of dinner dates?
I find it helpful sometimes to write down the negative shit then wad it up and throw it away or burn the paper.
Seriously, journaling has been extremely helpful, I only started doing it after I started talking to a professional (other than a few classes in school) and it makes our talks infinitely more productive. It really really really helps me organize my thoughts and emotions in a way that just letting the day wash over me and rolling with with it does not.
You need time to process your thoughts and feelings. You can effectively “mini” counsel yourself just by stepping back and getting a different perspective. Words are powerful things and when you’re f